I did it. I made it, twenty some odd years without ever getting my nails done. I mean, nothing more than applying layers of glitter to cover whatever color had been chipping off over the last few months.
When I was in high school, I used to pride myself on never being one of “those” girls with squared off acrylic pink and whites. I was too cool, or too tough, or too something, I dunno. I completely forgot about acrylic nails after high school. It’s been easy to ignore this ultra fem preening for years if the dichromatic color scheme was just not “me”.
Y’know, until like, Instagram and lil Debbie and #nailswag started filling my tumblr dash as often as topless girls in five panels. I realize I am a hold-out-late-to-the-game-r when I type that nail art is a “thing” but there is absolutely no denying it and, as much as I mocked spending a paycheck on gluing tchotchkes to my fingers, I think I needed them?
If I was going to do this I was going to do it right so I enlisted Britney Tokyo, nail chick to the kawaii and weird, to help me.
My first day has been fine. I got stopped by a 12 year old in the deli section and then a Thai waiter told me my fingers were “a dream.” Actually, I guess this is wining when it comes to vanity affairs. My first day has been great.
My friends have been a little more than inquisitive, though.
How do you shower? 😐
How do you brush your hair? 😐
How do you wipe? 🙁
Shit . I forgot to think about these things. The answer I came to find out during awkward 12 hour time period is “very carefully,” and it doesn’t just stop there. I think I may have rendered myself completely useless. I snagged a loose knit sweater and can’t type any Cs without my 3d gemstone also hitting the F Key resulting in a rather spitty sounding inflection. It turns out the things I couldn’t do easily greatly outweighed the thing I could do– look at my nails. I think Ive been staring at these things for a really long time….
The first time I wore a skort was on the playground of Poinciana Elementary School. It wasn’t a one time event, it was a 6 year love affair that I’ve been spending the last 20 years trying to forget. But like anything in life and fashion, what goes around comes around…the skort is back? I mean, if you haven’t already seen that ZARA skort then you must be living under an RSS rock But are they right?
As much time as I’ve been spending ignoring real world issues and staring at my nails, I have spent an equal amount of time trying not to look at the skort. I mean, in theory it’s great. Reinvented and ready to do….stuff. The skort of 2013 is here for all of your party-in-the-front-business-
Half excited half “at least for the story” I took the plunge and wore it to the bar. I mean, what better place to test something out than among my judgmental peer group of social, sloshed, fashionistas?
I want to say the first thing I noticed was how comfortable I was, or that skorts do not ride up, or that I didn’t feel weird about moving down a busy staircase while passerbys were moving and looking up. It is actually saying something that I did not note one outfit annoyance the entire night. It seems I did lose a rhinestone on a beer tab, though.
But no, no.. the FIRST thing I noticed the next day was my bestfriend’s photos of me just having a good time.
The skort had saved me, all parts of me. And since I have just a hazy recollection of the night, I feel like this might not have been its first clutch moment. I found its purpose. And like on most alcohol drenched nights, I think I totally found my “new freaking best friend I love you lets hang out all the time.”