February ’17 Horoscope

Straight from the center of the Nasty Galaxy, supreme space witch, Remy Ramirez, and triple-extraterrestrial, Spencer Niemetz, are hooking you up with a double dose of celestial insight.

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REMY: Hey guys! I’m spillin’ the secrets of the cosmos this month, so burn some incense, sage your crystals, and let’s get interplanetary!

SPENCER: hi it’s spencer and if you or someone you know was born on a month i’ve got just the horoscope for you

AQUARIUS

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You’re a lot of things, Air Sister, but these are the ones to watch this month:
Visionary
Inventive
Collaborative

REMY: Hey hey, birthday gal! Congrats on yet another trip around the sun! Astrologically speaking, birthdays are the time to invest in what makes you stand apart, and for my water bearers, that means your incredible visionary nature. Beyond all others, your ability to dream big and create from nothing is what makes Aquarians incredibly unique and a huge asset on any team. This is only going to be emphasized for you this month, as Mercury, the planet of ideas and thinking on your feet joins the sun in Aquarius on the 7th–great time for all those woo woo visualization techniques! A lunar eclipse on the 10th falls into your 7th house of partnership, and this could be huge. This house oversees commitments, both personal (cough, engagement, cough) and professional (tryna get dat partnership status at the firm?)–either way, big stuff. Lunar eclipses cast sunlight onto the moon’s shadow, showing us things otherwise kept secret. They’re known as the “volcanic purge”–huge changes can happen in an instant, and this is going on in your house of partnership. The changes can be rad as hell or a huge bummer. Either way, you’re a genius collaborator, so pull that card! Work with others to make the situation a win/win no matter which direction the cosmos take you. The month is bookended with another jolt from the stars: a solar eclipse in Pisces on the 26th. The goal of a solar eclipse is to bring attention to imbalances in our lives–the greater the imbalance, the harder the jolt. For you, this is going down in the house of finances. No way of knowing if this is about a bonus or a bankruptcy, but keep an eye on dat money pile, so that if it is bad news, you have a reserve ready to go.

SPENCER: hey aquarius so it is your birthday and i did not get you anything. well i mean here’s a horoscope but that’s it and i didn’t have time to wrap it. they didn’t give me a receipt either so i hope you like it. anyway you’re gonna have a lot of dreams this month and they’re gonna make you feel really important and great. it sounds like the best bet for you is to get a lot of sleep so you have as many dreams as possible. daydreaming is good too but you could be doing something important that you have to focus on like driving a school bus or eating a bagel (or worse, both at the same time). if you have trouble falling asleep, help yourself to as many bottles of wine as you need because it is your birthday month. just don’t do that thing where you tell all of your friends that it’s your “birthday month” all month long and act really obnoxious about it when you want stuff. i don’t know if aqauriuses are usually like that though, i’m just here to give you the horoscope.

PISCES

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You’re a lot of things, Water Mama, but these are the ones to watch this month:
Prone to escapism
Creative
Easily overwhelmed

REMY: BOO. Boo thang. Gurl. Your chart is CRAY this month. You start out in the 12th house of shadow and the subconscious–a mega watery placement that’s actually overseen by Pisces, so, intense as it may sound, it’s v comfortable for you. This is both good and bad; good because it’s familiar and draws out your intuitive and creative capabilities (yay art! yay psychic power!), bad because it encourages one of your pitfalls: escaping reality. Whatever that may look like for you: boozing it up, random hook ups, laughing when you actually wanna throw a punch–it comes down to pretending like shit’s cool when it’s not to avoid the feels. On top of that, a lunar eclipse on the 10th will cast light onto the moon’s underbelly, a phenomena that results for us earthlings as the revealing of secrets–which, incidentally, is also what the 12th house is about. Lunar eclipses can create instantaneous change, so be on the lookout for new information and big shifts around the 10th, especially as pertain to health and work, which is the sector this eclipse falls into for you. The Sun enters Pisces on the 18th (woo birthday!), careening you from the shadowlands of the 12th house into the spotlight–not always your fave. Stay grounded, Fish Sister! Mercury rushes in behind to team up with the sun in Pisces on the 25th, which will help pull you out of the month’s previously murky waters with sharper ideas and a clearer mind (this placement is also great for creativity, so get to work on any artistic projects that need to be born or readdressed). Feb. ends with a big ole’ fishy bang: a solar eclipse in Pisces (yup, you) on the 26th. Honestly, this shit is potentially the most rad… or the most not-rad. Solar eclipses interrupt our usual flow and reveal where our imbalances lie. The greater the imbalance, the harder you’ll be rocked. Sounds scary, but the objective is to give you unequivocal insight into where in your life you’ll most benefit from a redesign. Not always fun, but *V* helpful in the longterm.

SPENCER: it looks like you’re having a really crazy month. i think the best bet for you is also to drink wine. i just told the aquarius people to drink some wine too so maybe you can link up with some of your aquarius friends and have one of those nights where you drink too much wine and get smashed but wind up falling asleep really early and then you have a productive day. idk though, i’m not sure how well pisces and aquarius gets along, they might be compatible but i guess there’s just no way of knowing that so try it for yourself. if you don’t have any aquarius friends or any friends at all, you can always just have the wine by yourself and then you only have to pay for your own. actually, as a matter of fact, that’s a better idea. don’t hang out with the aquarius people. you’re probably gonna have to buy the wine for them anyway cause it’s their birthday.

ARIES:

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You’re a lot of things, Fire Babe, but these are the ones to watch this month:
Enthusiastic
Direct
Brash

REMY: Aries, you are the confetti of the cosmos! Your enthusiasm and energy are unrivaled, and that’s even more the case the first chunk of the month while you transit the house of friendships, teams, and organizational affiliations. This is a time when your magnetic energy is magnified, and your ability to collaborate and make connections will be  highlighted. So get your network on, reach out to new friends, and take your besties out for drinks–only good things will come of it. On the 3rd, Venus, planet of love and beauty, moves into Aries (where Mars has been since Jan 28th). This is so fun, especially for Valentine’s Day! Having Venus and Mars in your corner can bring friendships to the forefront (augmented by your transit in the friendship house), or can bring romance into the mix (a new boo if you’re lookin’, spicy times if you’re taken). This all sounds like the best month ever–and it very well may be–but there is something else a brewin’ in the stars. A lunar eclipse falls in Leo on the 10th. These eclipses cast sunlight onto the moon’s shadow, showing us things otherwise kept secret. They’re known as the “volcanic purge”–huge changes can happen in an instant, and can often be the result of new information being hurled at us. All this is going down in your 5th house of joy, play, love, and romance, so expect new info, big shifts, or potential breakdowns in these arenas. (On that note: you Aries are famously direct in love–which can be great–but with all the instability, be sure “direct” doesn’t veer into “brash;” matters of the heart require finessing.) There’s no way of knowing ahead of time whether these upcoming shifts will be fun or not, but they’re never bad; even when they hurt, they’re getting us to a better place. On the 26th, a solar eclipse in Pisces will seal the deal and shake things up once again, this time in your 12th house of hidden things, endings, and subconscious manifestations. A solar eclipse will seek to establish balance, but like, in a v imbalanced way (ie all at once). Keep a lookout for revealed secrets, surprise endings, or unexpected manifestations creating a period of dodge, parry, thrust-ing at the end of the month. And remember: as quick as you are on your feet, it’s nothing you fiery Ram Babes can’t handle.

SPENCER: hey so you have a lot of magnetic energy this month and that is gonna be really good for attracting stuff that you want. i mean i am assuming, i’m not really sure what kinds of things you’re trying to attract. since you are magnetic, you will probably get a lot of paper clips and maybe a couple cell phones but it isn’t nice to keep those because people might need them. if you’re like super magnetic you might get a car and i’m sure that is fine to keep. i’m not sure how well this will work with attracting people but i guess if they have a pacemaker or something, they’ll be able to attract just fine. before you confirm that someone is the love of your life, ask them about their pacemaker. wearing a lot of jewelry would work too, maybe, so this is a good time to give your crush a lot of jewelry. that’s kind of manipulative if they don’t like you back though so ask them if it’s okay first. also there is a lunar eclipse which is going to make everything go horribly wrong, i think because it is an eclipse and that means it’ll be really dark and people won’t be able to see.

TAURUS

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You’re a lot of things, Earth Lady, but these are the ones to watch this month:
Aggressive
Tenacious
Provider-energy

REMY: Hey Bull Mama! Your month starts off strong with a transit through your 10th house of career, fame, and ambition. This is a killer time to chat with higher ups, make key professional connections, or apply for a new position–it’s also a time when all your previous hard work will pay off, so expect accolades galore–it’s all comin’ atcha. The Taurean way is tenacious, often aggressive, so just be careful that your desire to beat the competition doesn’t come off as opportunistic and cut-throat. On the 10th, a lunar eclipse goes down in your house of home and family, which may be awesome or may srsly suck. Eclipses cast sunlight onto the moon’s shadow, showing us things otherwise kept secret. They’re known as the “volcanic purge”–huge changes can happen in an instant, and can often be the result of information we never saw coming. Since this is happening in your house of home and family, be ready to do some shifting in those areas–perhaps a move? new roommate? family drama? Keep an eye out for shifts in these areas, and be willing to take a more flexible approach should the situation pull you out of your comfort zone. The month ends with another mover and shaker–a solar eclipse in Pisces, which falls into your house of friendships and teams. Similar to their lunar counterparts, solar eclipses interrupt our usual flow and reveal imbalances in our lives. The greater the imbalance, the harder you’ll be rocked, so keep an eye out for snares/changes within your “team,” whether that be at work, in a club, or at happy hour (Team Happy Hour–it’s a thing). Taurus loves to provide safety and security for its loved ones, so if things get gnar, draw on those comfort-generating good vibes to see you (and your crew) through.

SPENCER: okay so you’re gonna be super aggressive this month but i guess you’re also supposed to be doing a lot of good professional stuff and talking to your bosses or other professional people. so like being aggressive is probably pretty good for making connects at first but people might be kind of exhausted if you do too much. just like be chill and don’t be too aggro when you talk to anyone. if you are really aggro and you lose your job for being rude, this is a great opportunity to spend your weekdays trying out all of the new brunch spots in your area since you’ll have the time now. also a lot of brunch places have free wi-fi so you can bring your laptop and look for new jobs while you eat a really expensive stack of blueberry waffles. this might not necessarily be the best course of events for your life but i might just be biased because i’d probably order the steak and eggs or some kind of veggie scramble. don’t worry though i trust you to make the right choice

GEMINI

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You’re a lot of things, Air Sister, but these are the ones to watch this month:
Curious
Thoughtful
Communicative

REMY: Here’s the thing, Gem Babe: you’re known as the social butterfly of the zodiac–and it’s not that that’s not true (it totally is), but there’s a lot more to you than that. The curved dual lines that create the Gemini symbol are representative of both the twin and the gateway to knowledge (little known fact). Geminis love contemplating ideas and exploring new information. You’re a curious bunch, and that’s awesome since you’re transiting the house of higher mindedness and philosophy this month. This is a pretty lofty placement, but in the everyday, it’s about asking big questions: what gives your life meaning? What are your ideas for the future? Is your day-to-day leading you toward your best self, or… not so much? On the 10th, a lunar eclipse in Leo is going to cause a bit of a cosmic earthquake. Eclipses cast sunlight onto the moon’s shadow, showing us things otherwise kept secret. They’re known as the “volcanic purge”–huge changes can happen in an instant, often as a result of  new information we never saw coming. This is happening in your house of communication and publishing, which is kind of a double whammy for you because you’re the cosmo’s queen of verbal expression–so watch that quick wit of yours, and keep an eye out for news of any writing projects you’ve been working on. This house also oversees short trips (maybe one pops up, maybe one gets cancelled) and siblings, so new information about a brother or sister may be revealed. The month is bookended with another jolt from the stars: a solar eclipse in Pisces on the 26th. The goal of a solar eclipse is to bring attention to imbalances in our lives–the greater the imbalance, the harder the jolt. For you, this is going down in the house of social status, career, and ambition, so whether you’ve been workin’ (too?) hard or hardly workin’, it’s about to be an issue. Whatever happens, just remember that it’s all in service to the greater good. Weather the storm with that amazing Gemini flexibility–you’ll be way better off in the end.

SPENCER: so you are going to have a really imaginative month it looks like. but you have to be careful not to let your mind wander too much because then you will start to lose your grip on reality and you might wind up on your local news for doing something crazy at a michael’s or something. this also can happen when you drink but you have a better excuse for that because there’s a bunch of eclipse stuff that is gonna be hella stressful. actually just live your life and do what you want and it’ll all be fine. i mean, aside from the eclipse, it’ll all be fine. the eclipse definitely will not be fine because the planets are going in front of each other and we’re all in big trouble if they crash. i feel like if the sun crashes it’ll be really bad but we might be okay if just the moon crashes into something. anyway, just do your thing since who knows if we’ll even have a planet tomorrow with the way they just crash into each other like that.

CANCER

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You’re a lot of things, Water Mama, but these are the ones to watch this month:
Generous
Sensitive
Wary of change

REMY: Hold on tight, C, it’s gonna be a wild one! You start out the month transiting the 8th house, which is a v complex placement. It’s about passion, deep emotion, crazy feels–and all that intensity could latch onto your sensitive nature and create an emotion cyclone. Randomly, this house also oversees other people’s money–loans, inheritances, sugar mamas/daddies–you get the pic. So keep an eye out for a swoop of unexpected cash flow. On the 10th, we have a cosmic quake of sorts: a lunar eclipse in Leo. Eclipses cast sunlight onto the moon’s shadow, showing us things otherwise kept secret. They’re known as the “volcanic purge”–huge changes can happen in an instant, and can often be the result of  information we never saw coming. This is all going down in your house of money and possessions, so keep an eye out for surprises there. A note of caution for an eclipse in the 2nd house: make sure your generous nature doesn’t lead to being blindsided by jerks who don’t appreciate your “riches.” It’s supes admirable to give, but give to yourself, too, by making sure those on the receiving end respect you. The month closes with a second cosmic upset–a solar eclipse in Pisces on the 26th, going down in your house of big-picture thinking and foreign travel. This house is about broadening horizons, and a solar eclipse is about recovering balance… at any cost. Sometimes it’s a walk in the park, sometimes, a slap in the face, depending on the degree of the imbalance. Either way, take a look at how diligent you’ve been about looking at the big picture in your life and following the path to lead you there. If it’s been more happy hour, less hustle, this solar eclipse is about to set you straight.

SPENCER: wow so word on the street is that you’re about to be a pretty generous person this month. you’re going to have to watch out for people who try to take advantage of that. but don’t worry, i’ll protect you from all of those thirsty people who will try to take advantage of your nice generosity. and people will be very sneaky about trying to get things out of you, they’ll drop little hints or just mention that they added things to their amazon wishlist. they won’t even be super expensive things either, probably just stuff like “Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue – PlayStation 4” or “Malin + Goetz Grapefruit Face Cleanser-8 oz.” or “Undetectable Plastic Flask Full Cruise Kit, 9 Pouches in total 3) 8 oz, 3) 16 oz, and 3) 32 oz” or “HDMI Cable 3ft – HDMI 2.0 (4K @ 60Hz) Ready – 28AWG Braided Cord – High Speed 18Gbps – Gold Plated Connectors – Ethernet / Audio Return – Video 2160p HD 1080p 3D – Xbox PlayStation PS3 PS4 PC Apple TV” but those are just a few examples of how sneaky some people may try to be. i will be there to make sure and stop them though

LEO

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You’re a lot of things, Fire Sister, but these are the ones to watch this month:
Unrealistic
Loyal
Headstrong

REMY: Let’s get this wild and unpredictable party started, Lady Lions! You kick off the month in the house of partnerships and commitment. Awesome for lockin’ it down, whether it’s a boo or a business partner. You’re incredibly loyal, and that makes you prime real estate for this house (especially with Valentine’s Day just around the corner!). On the 10th, we’re all gonna be on the receiving end of a cosmic shake down: a lunar eclipse in Leo (yes, you). Lunar eclipses cast sunlight onto the moon’s shadow, showing us things otherwise kept secret. They’re known as the “volcanic purge”–huge changes, good and bad, can happen in an instant, and can often be the result of  information we never saw coming. Because it’s going down in your sign, you’ll feel the effects more than others, and it will likely will have to do with who you are at the root and how you see yourself. A word on that: Not always, but often, these eclipses manifest in the form of news that shocks us. When you’re at your best, your nature is big-hearted and loyal, and you can be headstrong (read: stubborn) about the affections you offer to others. It’s a bit like having your head in the clouds, where your fantasy of the situation is one thing, and the reality of the situation is quite another. If this is happening on any level in your life, you’ll feel the effects on the 10th. The month closes out with another jolt from the stars–a solar eclipse on the 26th in Pisces, falling into your house of passion, tumult, and big feels. Weirdly, it’s also the house of other people’s money (loans, inheritances, etc.). The goal of a solar eclipse is to reveal where our lives require greater balance, so keep an eye on the emotions sector and/or borrowing and receiving gifts. If something is off in these arenas, it’ll be comin’ atcha in a major way before the month is through.

SPENCER: hey so i am sorry to tell you this but you are having a really good month for partnerships and commitment but also a really bad month because there is a really bad and scary eclipse happening. actually i think there are a couple happening and they are all awful so you need to keep that in mind when you do stuff. it is okay because you can work around these things if you are crafty enough. for example, not all partnerships or commitments have to be super in depth. you can totally have a one night stand and still consider that to be a partnership even though it was only a few hours. then you don’t have to worry about silly stuff like making it last or spelling their name. if you are not the one night stand type, that is okay but you should commit to something else so you can feel busy. no one likes a lazy leo, especially this month because it looks like no one likes anyone. so anyway good luck on that love life

VIRGO

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You’re a lot of things, Earth Babe, but these are the ones to watch this month:
Intelligent
Diligent
Pessimistic

REMY: Virgo! Girl, you gotta chill. You’re circling the house of health and work, which on the one hand is great for you because it’s overseen by Virgo, so you’ll totes be in your element. On the other hand, with as diligent and hardworking as you are, the tendency to workaholic the month away is especially strong and can have dire consequences on your health. You’re incredibly intelligent, so read up on how to work smarter, not harder, and in the meantime–you better check yourself (into the nearest day spa) before you (literally) wreck yourself. On the 10th, we’ll have a v intense cosmic disruption–a lunar eclipse in Leo. Lunar eclipses cast sunlight onto the moon’s shadow, showing us things otherwise kept secret. They’re known as the “volcanic purge”–huge changes, good and bad, can happen in an instant, and can often be the result of information thrown at us out of nowhere. This is going down in your 12th house of secrets and hidden things. That’s right! Secrets revealed IN the house of secrets–yowzer! This house also oversees positive transformations, so whatever hidden info comes to the surface, use it to lift you up, not to tear you down (aka ditch that Virgo pessimism!). If cow poop can  be used to make flowers grow, you can find purpose in whatever goes down around this full moon, (which, btw, could also just be really awesome and totally sans cow poop–there’s no way of knowing which direction it’ll go, so fingers crossed!). The month book ends with another jolt from the cosmos: a solar eclipse in Pisces on the 26th. The goal of a solar eclipse is to reveal where our lives require greater balance, and then restore equilibrium–but like, in one fell swoop, which can create all kinds of craziness. This is happening in your house of partnerships, which covers boos, potential boos, business buds, and people you openly cannot fucking stand (hey, we all have ’em). Whatever’s going on–or not going on–there, the cosmos are about to give that sector of your life a swift kick in the bum, so get prepped. And remember: “Thank you, ma’am, may I have another?” is the correct response when on the receiving end of a cosmic smackdown.

SPENCER: alright virgo so i do not know if you have heard but there is an eclipse this month and that is bad as i’m sure you know. you also probably know WHY it is bad (i do not) because you are so smart. you are naturally pessimistic and i think that this is a great month for that. do not let anyone tell you that everything will be fine because it will not be. but in all of these things that you cannot control, you do have one thing that you can control which is yourself. what i mean by that is specifically controlling yourself to not naturally just get up in the morning and try to take on the world. stay in bed for a while, pretend to still be asleep if you sleep next to someone until they go away. you can stay in bed as long as you like and then how is anything bad going to happen to you? you can have food ordered to your bed too so you really don’t ever have to leave except to go to the bathroom or get your phone charger. if you left your charger in the car or somewhere far away, you can have one of those delivered too but it will probably be expensive. just between you and me though, capricorn is coming into some money this month and after i’m done, you totally have dibs on working some free lunches out of them.

LIBRA

After Party by Nasty Gal Tie Another Day Tank Bodysuit // So Bomber Jacket // Woman of Many Hearts Shades // Levi’s Jeans for Women 501 Jeans – Laurel Haze

You’re a lot of things, Air Sister, but these are the ones to watch this month:
Romantic
Refined
Charming

REMY: Libra, what a cutie you are! You’re fluttering through the house of love, flirtation, parties, and pleasure this month, so get your lingerie sorted and that pucker perfected. You’re naturally fun and flirty anyway, so this is just going to charge up that sweet, playful energy you’re known for. Also–this is, like, the best V-day placement ever. Even if it doesn’t translate into romance (which it very well could), it sends lots of good, life’s-a-party vibes in your general direction. A note: this placement can get a little too fun sometimes (barfing in the Lyft is not a good look), but Libras, unlike a more expressive sign like Aries or Leo, are known for their sense of refinement, so draw on that power to walk the line between party girl and girl gone wild. On the 10th, we get a bit of a celestial smackdown in the form of a lunar eclipse in Leo, which will cast light onto the moon’s underbelly, a phenomena that results for us earthlings as the revealing of secrets. This is happening in your house of groups, which covers your crew, political organizations, networking clubs, etc.–an arena you generally do quite well in, given your charming nature. Lunar eclipses can create instantaneous change, so be on the lookout for new information and big shifts (bad or good) relating to friend/colleague groups around the 10th. The month closes with a second jolt from the cosmos: a solar eclipse in Pisces on the 26th. Similar to their lunar counterparts, solar eclipses interrupt our usual flow and reveal imbalances in our lives. The greater the imbalance, the harder you’ll be rocked, so keep an eye out for snares/changes around issues of work and health, which is the house this eclipse falls into for you. This house often arises when it’s time to redirect your professional course, or when you need to get your workaholism in check (if you’ve been protesting and calling senators on the reg–this is another area that could come up as”workaholism” for you). Whatever shifts happen, just know that they’re ultimately for the greater good–even if they’re no fun in the moment.

SPENCER: okay so apparently there are a bunch of eclipses happening all over the place this month. what the hell is an eclipse anyway, i don’t understand why this is going to make everything so bad. i mean, like, i don’t understand how to explain it to you in a way that you will understand, i totally understand 100% and anyone who tells you otherwise is a hater who also doesn’t understand things. so anyway, a bunch of giant sky rocks are all blocking each other and it’s going to ruin your day. this is a bummer because it is valentine’s day this month and you probably wanted to have a hot date or invite someone over from tinder or try to stage a rom-com meeting with someone cute in the frozen food aisle at the grocery store. these are all really difficult things to do as it is, so i would recommend getting a little bit of liquid courage in you so things don’t go as bad. you could also film yourself at the grocery store being drunk and put it up on youtube. maybe things will work out after all and you will go viral and live in the apartments above the whole foods where i buy the same salad for lunch everyday. yeah, that’d be pretty cool, then we could hang out and i could give you all of this advice IRL. i’m not looking to be in a relationship right now though so don’t try anything funny

SCORPIO

Nasty Gal Mississippi Moon Velvet Trench Coat // Bardot Owen Vegan Leather Pants // Nirvana Relaxed Graphic Tee // Liquid State Mini Dress // Nasty Gal Collection Dionne Sequin Blazer

You’re a lot of things, Water Mama, but these are the ones to watch this month:
Perceptive
Commanding
Dedicated

REMY: Hey hey, Scorp Sister! Your month starts off in your house of domesticity, which is especially important for you sensitive water natives. Scorpios are highly perceptive–you see things other signs are oblivious to. That can be an exhausting gift that requires downtime to help you reconnect with your senses, so get your cozy hibernation on at Feb’s start (ALL the Netflix, all the time)–the world will be there when you you’re ready to jump back in, and you’ll be better able to handle it after a solid rest. On the 10th, we’ll have a v intense cosmic disruption–a lunar eclipse in Leo. Lunar eclipses cast sunlight onto the moon’s shadow, showing us things otherwise kept secret. They’re known as the “volcanic purge”–huge changes, good and bad, can happen in an instant, and can often be the result of information thrown at us out of nowhere. This is going down in your career sector, so keep an eye out for shifts here. Scorpios are a dedicated and commanding bunch, and that intense focus can both land you in the limelight and rub colleagues the wrong way. So whether it’s a promotion or a demotion, there’s no way to tell, but for clues, keep that Scorpio perception on alert during the week leading up to the 10th. And remember–even things that seem shitty at first can turn out to be massive cosmic blessings, so reserve judgment till you have all the facts.  The month book ends with another jolt from the cosmos: a solar eclipse in Pisces on the 26th. The goal of a solar eclipse is to reveal where our lives require greater balance and then restore equilibrium–but like, all at once, which can be cray. This is happening in your house of romance, love, play, and pleasure–so whether you’ve been in wallflower mode or hittin’ the club like whoa, the cosmos are intervening to bring you back to middle ground. The best way to handle the shift is to embrace it–it’s either that or fight the inevitable. The stars always have the final say.

SPENCER: ugh, all i have to say is wow

SAGITTARIUS

Nasty Gal Roxxanne Sequin Skirt // Glamorous Take Games Bomber Jacket – Matte Black // Kitty Corner Angled Shades

You’re a lot of things, Fire Babe, but these are the ones to watch this month:
Warm
Open
Curious

REMY: Archer Sister, this month is sending you in new, adventurous directions! You start out transiting the house of communication and publishing. If you have any writing projects on the back burner (blogs and other Internet mediums totes count), it’s time to pay those a visit and get them off the ground. In terms of general communication, Sagittarius is known for her easy-going, warm nature (except for when you’re accidentally being a jerk, that is–watch out for that), and that’s the vibe that’s really going to help you out as the month progresses. Specifically: On the 10th, we’ll all get a cosmic wake up call with a lunar eclipse in Leo, which will cast light onto the moon’s underbelly, a phenomena that results for us earthlings in sudden changes and the revealing of secrets. This is happening in your house of higher mindedness and travel–a house that Sagittarius oversees, so it will be especially poignant for you! Be on the lookout for events that shift your entire perspective, raise your consciousness, or even physically relocate you to undiscovered territory. Though there’s no way to know ahead of time whether the things that crawl from their hiding places during a lunar eclipse will be the actual best or the fucking worst, if you draw on your innate curiosity and wanderlust, and approach it all with that warm, open charisma Sagittarius is known for, you’ll be golden. (When in doubt, just insert “With Arms Wide Open” in your best Creed voice.) The month closes with a double whammy from the Universe–a solar eclipse in Pisces on the 26th. Similar to their lunar counterparts, solar eclipses interrupt our usual flow by revealing imbalances in our lives. The greater the imbalance, the harder you’ll be rocked. This is going down in your domestic 4th house, so keep an eye out for shifts around your home or around the things that make you feel comfortable. (New apartment? New roommate? New zip code?) As one of the most adaptable signs in the zodiac, I have no doubt you’re going to cruise through just fine, no matter which direction the cosmos flow in.

SPENCER: hey sagittarius so everyone is having a terrible month but guess what? none of those other people are the best sign in the universe and can dance around misfortune like you can. there’s a big eclipse that’s ruining everything but you’re probably not even gonna get hit by the eclipse because being a sagittarius means that you are always shining with radiant sunlight energy. i bet if you stand next to every other sign you can make their future look better too so go stand next to a lot of your friends when they cry. you might want to talk to them about why they’re crying so if that’s your thing you should go for it but you can also just stand there. anyway keep being the best at literally everything you do because you are so smart and dreamy and you have mastered the highest level of magic.

CAPRICORN

LNA Play Your Part Cut-Out Sweatshirt Dress

You’re a lot of things, Earth Sister, but these are the ones to watch this month:
Introverted
Money-Savvy
Stubborn

REMY: Hey Cap Mama! You’re starting out the month in the house of hundos, so let it raaaiiinnn!! Or anyway, that’s the ideal outcome when you land in this sector. The reality is it deals with all money-related issues–bonuses and bankruptcies alike. Since you Caps are the financial whizzes of the zodiac, plan on basking in the joy (for you and only you) that is punching numbers and tallying totals. On the 10th, we’ll have a v intense cosmic disruption–a lunar eclipse in Leo. Lunar eclipses cast sunlight onto the moon’s shadow, showing us things otherwise kept secret. They’re known as the “volcanic purge”–huge changes, good and bad, can happen in an instant, and can often be the result of information thrown at us out of nowhere. This is going down in your 8th house of deep-seated emotions, fixations, and passion (DANG BOO). You Earth Babes have a rep. for introversion; keeping your emotions under wraps is par for the course in Cap-land. But contrary to what other, more extroverted signs often assume, it doesn’t mean you don’t experience the feels (Capricorn’s symbol is actually a goat with a fish tail–water representing emotional depth). With this intense lunar eclipse bringing unexpected shifts in a super intense house, it’s important you remember to let your guard down a bit and express yourself. Being transparent about your joy–and your sorrow–is ultimately how connections are forged. SIDE NOTE: Randomly, this house also oversees other people’s money (WTH, I know, so weird), and since the sun will be in your money house already on the 10th, you may see some unexpected news around loans, inheritances, or money you’ve received as a gift, so keep an eye out there as well. The month book ends with another jolt from the cosmos: a solar eclipse in Pisces on the 26th. The goal of a solar eclipse is to reveal where our lives require greater balance and then restore equilibrium–but like, all at once, which can be cray. This is happening in your house of communication–something you often struggle with (see aforementioned 8th house business). You can be stubborn and inflexible (real talk, sorry bb), and while that is often a great asset in business/professional endeavors, it can come at the cost of your interpersonal relationships. Whatever goes down with this eclipse, remember to adjust your communication style accordingly so that you don’t say something that bites you in the ass later down the road.

SPENCER: congratulations capricorn you are supposed to get very rich this month. that sounds great but there is a scary eclipse this month that is ruining everything for everyone so maybe this is a bad month to get rich. maybe your friends will treat you differently when you buy a jetski and do not let them ride it. maybe you will get your nails done and the jealous nail technician will carve a little swear word into each nail because you won’t stop talking about your friends and the jet ski thing. i know all of this sounds scary but there’s hope. all you have to do is share your wealth with not just your friends, but everyone that you know, even people you only know through the internet, even people who give you monthly guidance on how you’re doing. maybe start with your friends with dyed hair, maintaining a hair color is rumored to become very costly after a while. as an obviously natural redhead i would not know anything about this but it is what i have heard.