Girlboss Recap #2

Briony Smith breaks down each episode of the Netflix show chronicling Nasty Gal’s beginnings. Because we’re super old school that way.

(Photo: Netflix/Karen Ballard)

Okay, you guys, ascending to true girlboss-dom clearly has a biiiiit of a learning curve. Last time we saw Sophia she was rolling around in bed, squealing over her triumph at flipping a $9 jacket into legit rent. Come morning, this nasty gal is still fixated on her blueberry iBook screen, watching those pen-pens cha-ching their way to $485. (You know it’s a serious money moment because Fat Joe’s “Get It Poppin’” is playing.) She’s so fired up that she flings open those antique leaded windows to shout to the dawn, “Kiss my ass, world!” OUR BELOVED RUPAUL—I mean, Lionel—is on the street below, ready to bring Sophia back down to earth with a “As a spokesman for the world: no, thanks.” (Spin-off entitled Girlboss 2: Nasty Rupaul immediately, plz.)

(Photo: Netflix/Karen Ballard)

Her dizzying cash-money high propels her to the kitchen for a celebratory snack, where a stretch for some cereal results in discovery of a giant, scary knob sticking out of her crotch area. A giant, scary knob is just about the last thing you want to find in your crotch area—unless it’s on the end of a truly magnificent d, of course—but Sophia being Sophia ignores it and brushes aside her bestie’s suggestions to get thee to the free clinic.

Sophia wants to repeat her eBay success, so it’s off to the thrift stores she goes to rummage around for stuff to sell. Cue the montage where she grows ever more enraged at the lack of treasures among the trash. “I’ve seen better clothes at a Rite-Aid!” she bellows in one establishment. Sophia finally ends up back at the Sassy Bald Gay Dude’s store where she essentially loses her goddamn mind, sassing off the Sassy Bald Gay Dude in his own shop about how she snaked a big-ticket item from his racks, and then claiming that she isn’t interested in business, maaaaan, but, rather, just supporting her slacker lifestyle.

(Photo: Netflix/Karen Ballard)

Sassy Bald Gay Dude delivers the second scathing burn of the night when he informs her that running a business is a business, not a lifestyle, and bitch is not prepared for the logistics like customer complaints and shipping issues that retail—online or no—entails. Sophia cannot with this and declares that she feeds off haters and will prove him wrong. Her meltdown in the store epitomizes just how much of a baby she still is, despite her reseller breakthrough of late. Alerting your competition to how you pulled one over on them? Not the smartest move. Blowing off some potential advice from a more seasoned retailer you could learn from? Yikes. She even punctuates this childish outburst with a severe hair-flip-and-turn combo. Sophia has all of the drive, but none of the savvy or polish—yet.

This continues throughout the episode. She wants an online retailing book, so she steals it, inciting the wrath of a security guard. Her response: “fuck me in the dick.” Later, she shows a little more ingenuity by digging up some estate sale listings and doing a little research to discover which dead people would yield the best clothes (hairdresser who married up, yes; war hero or teacher, not so much). Sophia manages to make it to the estate sale with a few minutes to spare, but the pain in the giant, scary knob on her crotch area levels her to the ground. Even the estate sale guy is telling her to get to the damn doctor already. So she squelches her disgust for free clinics and gets in to see a cute young doc, who informs her she has a inguinal hernia. Hernias are definitely not chic—especially when you don’t have any health insurance to pay for the potential surgery to fix it. Sophia’s solution: “Do you just pop it back in, and then a bump grows on my head like Tom and Jerry?”

Uh, no. Real life doesn’t work that way, unfortch. So far, Sophia is so quick to eyeroll at people working a normie gig for a living, or those whose job performance doesn’t meet her exacting standards, whether it’s TSA agent Lionel, Sassy Bald Gay Dude or even the cute young clinic doctor. Sophia ends the episode forlon outside her apartment, soaking wet in the pouring rain, parking ticket and $10 bag of sodden estate sale clothes in hand, crying out to the universe in a much more subdued tone than we saw at the top of the ep.

(Photo: Netflix/Karen Ballard)

‘Things are supposed to get better. But there’s really no guarantee that that’s true. There’s tons of people whose lives just get worse and worse and that’s just it. They never figure out what they were put on this goddamed planet to do. They just live and then they die and then they take a big ol’ mud nap,” she wails. “I’m standing out here in the rain, literally with my guts hanging out, with a dead woman’s clothes in a dirty laundry bag. My life has got to be better than this. It just does.” That’s the thing our girl has yet to learn: her life doesn’t have to be better than this. She has to be better than this.

BEST OUTFIT OF THE WEEK

 

During Sophia’s batshit rampage through half the vintage stores in the greater Bay area, she tries to talk a salesperson down from $50 to $20 on a skirt. Does Sophia see how chic this person is? She is definitely not putting up with such shenanigans.

WORST OUTFIT OF THE WEEK

 

(Photo: Netflix/Karen Ballard)

Sophia spends the entire episode pretty much in schlub mode, sporting the following egregious fashion crimes: dangling shirt toggles, faux sportif jacket in a truly aggressive teal, tight pre-faded club jeans, utilitarian canvas sack.

Other Good Stuff This Week:

-Can we work on popularizing the term “big ol’ mud nap” as a synonym for death? ‘Kay, thanks.

-Recent trick showing up outside your apartment late at night unannounced: boner-inducing or terrifying?

-Even in an episode that features a high AF RuPaul talking jibber-jabber about seeing into the airport denizens’ souls, line of the week goes to Annie, hands down: “I’m gonna love you no matter what. Even if one day a thousand dead spiders trickle right out of your vag.”

-Annie takes special runner-up shout-out, too: “Dax wants to go rollerblading but I don’t want to see him in rollerblades and he doesn’t want to see me in them, either, so what’s the upside to this?”

-Hat tip to the music supervisor of the week: the T-Rex banger “Sensation Town.”

Check out Girlboss Recap #1