For the first installation of our new monthly horoscopes by SF-based astrologer Jessica Lanyadoo, she forecasts what’s in-store for the next 30 days with a badass reading and accompanies them with your sign’s power animal (in emoji-form) and your very own power ballad (courtesy of Prince).
(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
Communication is supposed to be your thing, Virgo, but that doesn’t mean it comes easy. On the 9th the Moon will be full in your opposing sign of Pisces and it’s going to be hard for you to hold on in the relationships that have been dragging you down, which could be a good, albeit very unpleasant thing. You’ve got to figure out the fine line between being diplomatic, versus a pushover, and being direct versus downright cutty. Here’s some truth to live by: you’re allowed to fuck up, and your fuck ups don’t have to define you. Just don’t defend the stupid things you say or do out of pride, my friend. Be humble if you step out of bounds and expect the same from others. Your relationship(s) need to change, and whether that means they’ll end or not is up to you. In the meantime Mars is leaving Scorpio on the 14th, which would be better news for you if it weren’t going into Sagittarius. This will either motivate you to get ‘er done, or agitate the hell out of you. If you find yourself falling into the latter category, work it out through your brawn, not your brains, my friend. Exercise, the physical act of love, and any other body-based outlet that gets your heart rate up and your frustrations distracted will do just fine. The point is not to try and process things rationally when you are feeling irrational. The more creatively you run your life, the more relief you’ll feel. While this may not be the easiest month for sex and dating, it certainly can be a sick one. Have adventures, Virgo, but as always, discretion is recommended.
(Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
As a Libra it’s no big surprise that your relationship life is really important this month. You’ve got to ask a lot from your love life (that includes the friends you love as much as the fools you’re dating), because, honey, you’ve got a lot to give. There are powerful forces for change in your sex and partnership spheres (which could translate to art and creativity for some of you), and now is not the time to settle. So if you aren’t being met halfway, or worse, if you’re being strung along, let out a passionate “hell no,” Libra. You can stand up for yourself without being dramatic, but please be direct. Make space in your life for good to come in by letting go of what you know isn’t working for you in the here and now. This summer you thought you knew what you wanted and now you’re questioning things, and that just sucks. You’re in a beautiful growth phase, Libra, and whether it’s unicorns and lollypops, or a carnival that you can’t afford to get into, you’re meant to find a way to be happy in your present circumstances. I’m not talking about doing more with less; I’m saying that you need to find reasons to be truly appreciative of where you’re at. I herby challenge you to a gratitude exercise! Every day for all of September, write out three things you’re grateful for—no repeats allowed. Anything from being thankful for the color of your hair, to the ozone holding out for another year, or your happiest childhood memories. Build up the muscle inside your head that takes in the good stuff so that it gets stronger. The hope is that it’ll have a catching effect.
“Life Can Be So Nice”
(Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
You want to be serving fierceness but somehow your just don’t want to leave the house to do it. This month may find you grappling with contradictions that exhaust you before anything good happens. You want to be close to your peeps without having to be around them, you want to spend time alone, but without any loneliness. Challenge yourself to be around others, but without the self-protective bullshit that lets you evade your own self. Have healthy boundaries and be smart about who you trust, but be vulnerable with the people that you know you have confidence in. A new love may be entering your life, or an old one may be heating up (yay!), but in both cases your work is the same. Know yourself, Scorpio. Be true to your quirks, kinks, and needs, without shutting down or shutting others out. You have so much support at your disposal, but it’s on you to reach out and let it in. What you do and how you do it means something, but it’s not enough for it to only mean something to the people who love you—you have to love and value you, too. Your professional sphere is burning up this month. If you’ve been thinking about changing jobs it’s well starred, Scorpio. This is a great time to take chances and ask for what you want, especially before the 14th when Mars leaves your sign. Connect to people who’ve achieved things that you respect and pick their brains (but buy them drinks or butter them up with bagels first). You have so much to learn and this is a particularly fertile time to do it, babe.
“Play In The Sunshine”
(Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
Watch out for the full Moon on the 9th of September, because it’s likely to knock you on your beautiful derrier, Sag. This will be an excellent time to set free whatever you’ve been dragging along with you, so don’t be scared of loss, dear one. The pain of letting someone or something go is far better than the pain of holding on and letting it get worse because you were to scared to do what had to be done. If you cling to what you should be releasing, you’ll find the week of the 20th a particularly grueling time. The thing is that you’ve got to feel okay in your own skin, Sag, otherwise your days will just kind of suck. There are a number of ways that the stars are testing your commitment to having a life that feels awesome, versus one in which you satisfy your impulses, but doesn’t make you happy. You don’t need to have it all figured out, but you do need to honor what you already know by prioritizing it, even if it bums you or others out. There’s a huge difference between being a selfish jerk and doing what a girl’s gotta do, and the distinction is in your motives. Play fair instead of playing nice; go for compassion instead of diplomacy. Mid-month Mars crosses over into your solar sign and anything goes, my friend. Be pro-active, but again, don’t make any big decisions impulsively. You’re moving through such deep terrain you may find that you change your mind pretty quickly. Sit with your instincts before you make a call and you may be surprised at what happens; stay open to it all, Sag.
(Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)
You want the good news first, or the bad news? The good news is that you are kicking ass, sweet and surly Cappy my Cappy. If you take some big risks this month they’ll pay off, bringing you opportunities you didn’t see coming. You are going to get real time rewards for your efforts, and you totally deserve it. What you do with your winnings is on you, but I’d say this is a bad time to go on a bender or generally drop the ball. To make the most of opportunity you must seize it, Capricorn! Now to the bad news: to get to properly enjoy all that good stuff you’re going to have to combat some of your fears. You’ve done an excellent job of overwhelming yourself, and you may find that the first half of the month is especially stressful. It may be hard to gauge what a healthy challenge is, versus a painful life lesson, so let me give you a hint: if it’s good for you, you won’t have to pretend to be something you’re not. Look for situations and dynamics where you get to be yourself so that you can trust that whatever problems arise are productive ones, and not just holding you back. Pay attention to the new Moon in Libra on the 24th for meaningful shifts within your relationships. Your intimate relationships and collaborations may be big players in this month’s developing drama. Whether they’re super supportive or the very problems that you need to overcome, you kind of need to figure out for yourself. Be the Capitan, Capricorn.
“Willing & Able”
(Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
The rub about free will is that you are welcome to use it any damn way you please. The Universe doesn’t care if you abuse yourself or make awful decisions; she loves you just the same. But your life would be so much easier if you would just make better choices, Aquarius! You’re tripping balls, and not in a fun kind of way; I’m talking about the other end of the slope. Bad vibes and a cluttered head. You can act as chill as you want, but if you ignore what’s happening inside of you it won’t go away on it’s own. You need to deal with yourself, and to do it before you for realsies need to. Here’s a tip for getting it done; be weary of your mind-machine. That part of your brain that is exceedingly logical and can rationalize just about anything. Just because you can talk yourself in or out of your feelings doesn’t mean you aren’t feeling them; having a Brazillian blowout does not actually give you straight hair; only straight hair for now. So what should you do? Try slowing down and feeling your emotions for a start. If you want to be a hippy about it (which I thoroughly approve of), you can meditate or do yoga to calm your mind’s chatter and feel your heart. If that’s not your style, try spending some quality time alone with yourself, without a lot of distractions and see what comes up. The lesson here is to take care of the stuff that no one else sees, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Confronting the stuff you don’t want to deal with now is better than getting blindsided by it later on.
(Feb. 19 – March 20)
No matter how badly you want to get away, this is not a good month to take a trip, my fishy friend. You may be coping with some unfulfilled desires or disappointments this month, and you’ve got to resist your go-to instinct of running away when the shit hits the fan. Challenge yourself to confront your feelings, and to let the people closest to you help you out. Tell people what you need, even if you’re convinced that they don’t want the same thing, or like where you’re at. You can’t do it all alone, and if you let it, something new and lovely will make it’s way into your relationships this month. The events of your life are in harmony with big picture goodness, believe it or not. You need to get a Meta view of your life to see it clearly, Pisces. Whether you’re dealing with a momentous beginning or a much needed ending, your task is to be honest with yourself about where you’re coming from. If you let the other person lead, you won’t like where you end up, I’m afraid. Remember that everyone has their own agenda that gets run through their anxieties and insecurities (that’s right—you’re not the only one). Just because someone sees it differently than you doesn’t mean one of you is right or wrong; in fact, I dare you to be upfront and honest about your feelings when you disagree with someone you love this month. You deserve to see that your relationships can thrive even when you bring your needs to the table. If you have to pick a side, I hope you choose your own.
(March 21 – April 19)
It doesn’t really matter if people think that you’re doing great if you feel like shit; other peoples perception of you won’t sink through the layers. Seek out medicine for your heart to help you cope with the major changes that have been getting you down, Aries. Lean on your friends for strength before you buckle under the pressure. Sharing what’s real for you, even the crappy stuff, facilitates closeness, and you need intimacy as much as you need some perspective, my dearest. No woman is an island. You need love, so don’t be scared to ask for it even if you feel awfully exposed. The Universe is inviting you to take a chance with your heart, so don’t hide from itWhen it comes to your love life, September is the time to take risks to get some (or keep it). Let the new Moon on the 24th help you to make amore hotter and healthier. Finesse being the baller that you be without steamrolling over the bitches that you adore. You don’t need to water down or change what you are in order to get what you want from others. Stay present enough to see the effect your actions have on them though, so you can quickly correct any missteps you make. You may be a bit of an emo wreck but you can put that drama to good use. Start something new after the 20th, and be open to opportunity flowing your way. There’s no time like the present to feel good with the people that you enjoy, so don’t hold yourself back, baby.
(April 20 – May 20)
Late August was hard and you may find yourself still unraveling that mess through early September. Things aren’t meant to be easy, but that doesn’t mean that they need to be bad either. You’re being tested, Taurus, so if you know yourself well enough and you’ve made choices that’re right for you over the past few years, you’re likely to be working hard but doing things that you love right now. If, on the other hand, you’ve made too many compromises on how you want to live, you’re likely to be dealing with much bigger problems this month. Things may be falling apart and dragging you down, and you need to get real about how to cope. Make choices that support the life you want to have, even if that means fucking with the status quo. There’s a rumbling deep in your belly that you need to heed, kid. This isn’t the time to follow the herd and just go where everyone else is going; you’re meant to take the time and energy to figure out what’s right for you, on your own damn terms. So spend quality time with the people who know and love you best this month, and maybe even put your social life on ice for a minute. It’s time to figure out who’s got your back, and you’d better find your own name on that list…! This is also weirdly a great time for love; it’s weird because you’re in such an internal space, yet you’re still able to attract the kind of sugar a girl wants. Again, it’s a test of how well you know yourself, Taurus. Not all lovin’ is good lovin’, and you’ve got to have the self-knowledge and self-love to know if something looks good but isn’t right for you.
“Starfish & Coffee”
(May 21 – June 21)
If you had as much money as you want, what would you do, Twin Star? Because if you’d piss it away then there’s no point for The Universe to bring all of it’s riches to your beautiful feet, now is there? It’s not enough to bring home the bacon (preferably the vegan kind because let’s face it, pigs are adorable and eerily intelligent)—you’ve got to cook it up right. You’re in line for major abundance, but if you don’t handle it well it could add up to a major liability, too. Look long and hard at your actions and make sure they’ll bring you what you want and that you’re ready to handle it, Gem. Check out your big picture goals while you’re at it, too. You’re in an excellent place to fine-tune your path, but it’ll require that you to cut through your idealism and accept the reality of where you’re starting from. You may have more ground work to cover than you’d like, but don’t let that stop you, girl. This month can find you making your dreams come alive, but in a slow and steady kind of way. Be open to aligning with a whole new group of people, whether it’s through a new date, a new job, or just a new friend circle. You’re changing, so it stands to reason that the people you hang out with will change, too. This month is more about starting things up then endings, though, so don’t worry about loosing old friends. One word of warning: all of this productive forward motion can be undone by too much self-indulgence (read: partying or laziness). So have fun, but not so much that you sabotage your budding successes.
Monthly Power Ballad:
“Little Red Corvette”
(June 22 – July 22)
Just because you’re ready doesn’t mean that the world is ready for you, Moonchild. There’s some crazy shit going on for you astrologically and resisting the madness is futile, my friend. So don’t be passive! Figure out your values and resist the urge to follow what other people are doing or are telling you to do. You need to hold out for what means the most to you so you can go your own way. The full Moon on the 9th will bring something to a head, and it’s likely to affect your home or personal life, so the sooner you deal with that stuff, the better. If fear fogs up your vision you’ll find yourself waffling wildly between ideas, and that won’t make anyone happy (least of all you). If you don’t wanna be a crabby Crab, don’t take on other people’s baggage and can just focus on your own, mister sister. You might have to take a tiny step back from folks, but it’ll be worth it if it helps you take better care of your self (I promise). Your relationships are testing you and putting them first will set you up for disappointments—you can only handle so much right now. You may find this month to be a bit of a boner killer, sending you a situation that promises a good time but doesn’t quite pan out. Whether you can’t get it up, or your partner(s) can’t deliver, the astrology is the same: investigate your motives so you can learn what’s really driving you to stay in your situation. The stars don’t want you to stay the same, Cancer. It’s time for big change, so do it right.
“Baby I’m A Star”
(July 23 – Aug. 22)
In order to change your situation, you first have to accept it for what it is, Leo. If you focus on the rough bits, it’ll make you feel like crap, and with Saturn still kicking your ass, you might get stuck in that bad vibes place. So look for the potential of what you might create instead of focusing on what you don’t already have. It’s really a difference in spin, but one that can help you confront your life head-on instead of make you want to hide from it. If you’ve been basing your self-esteem on the attention you get from others this is going to be an especially rough month, my loves. You may be getting attention, but not for what you want, so be prepared to undo or redo some things that are technically working, but don’t werque for you. The reason this is happening is because The Universe wants you to be the Mistress of your own domain, and to decide why you’re right-on for yourself, instead of letting other people decide it for you. Define yourself before the world tells you what you are and you believe it (even if it’s not true). There’s no one you should trust above yourself. You need people that you have faith in at your side, cheering you on, but you also need better boundaries my friend. Practice saying NO to the people and situations that compromise your sparkle, even if you don’t have a superior plan yet. Sometimes it’s better to let yourself fall so you can pick yourself back up, then to stay standing in the wrong spot. In order for the phoenix to rise, it’s first got to burn, so don’t be scared of a little fire this month. In fact, I’d say it’s a damn good time to start playing with matches.
(illustrations by Will Ev)