I’m Boy Crazy‘s Alexi Wasser
Listen, we all know Valentine’s Day is a bogus, made up holiday created by the greeting card industry to make money…. But who the fuck cares?! Stop being such a judgey emo kill-joy! It’s here, it exists, we’ve all entered this unspoken agreement as a society to go along with it, so just shut the fuck up and embrace it! After all, it’s an excuse to get gifts, give gifts, and over indulge in sex/chocolate/pink/and red! Let’s celebrate it!
What I still don’t understand is why mistletoe hasn’t made the obvious crossover into Valentine’s Day. What a mistake. Mistletoe isn’t utilized enough during Christmas even. I can never even really find it! But that’s neither here nor there! Back to Valentine’s Day – which I’ve noticed is mispronounced left and right as “Valen-TIME’s day.” WTF?! It reminds me of the time Kim Kardashian (who I don’t even dislike) mispronounced the name of HER OWN FRAGRANCE – calling it ‘VuLUMPtuous’ instead ‘Vuluptuos.’ Who are these people?! What happened to us? And on a side note, not having to do with Valentine’s Days AT ALL—but just a grammatical error that pisses me off beyond belief—is when people sai “I could care less.” It’s “COUNDN’T care less” NOT “COULD care less.” The point of the saying is: you care SO LITTLE, you COULDN’T possible care less! But I digress, back to Valentine’s day and you:
Contrary to what society rams down your throat, Valentine’s Day ISN’T just for couples. It can be enjoyed in a multitude of ways by anyone with a pulse and privates. The following is my guide to celebrating Valentine’s day no matter how much of a winner or loser you might feel like, no matter what your predicament/situation/condition.
And always remember, no matter what you do this Valentine’s Day, no matter who you’re with: I LOVE YOU!