Globetrotter: Oui Out Here In Paris

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I have a confession to make. Come closer. No, closer. *whispers* I don’t like really Paris. That’s right, I said it. It’s yet another marker that separates me from my gender (female) and my species (hipster). I don’t care for French food, I don’t eat baguettes or croissants, and I entertain no romantic notions of writing poetry at a charming cafe in Le Marais or strolling arm in arm with a handsome stranger along the banks of the Seine discussing Proust while wearing some sort of swishy dress. I have to go there once or twice a year for work (do you hear the tiniest violin ever playing me a sad symphony?) and generally I serve as a painful embarrassment to the USA, scurrying around with a giant iced Americano (lol) from Starbucks, dressing like more like Joey Ramone than Jane Birkin, and culling more of my meals from the supermarket than from chic little bistros. I am, in short, the worst. However, this last trip over to the city of lights, I managed to actually enjoy one of the most beautiful cities in the world (applause, please) thanks to some great friends, a better attitude (thanks, therapy!), and a few insider tips, all of which I am here to share with you.

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This person is my good pal Sara Nataf. She is a fantastic photographer but she is also kind of like the unofficial mayor of Paris, which is how I was able to go to a party inside the Eiffel Tower (and nick a few mini bottles of champagne, as evidenced in the first photo here and by my horrible, raging hangover the next day). In this photo she looks more like the head sheriff of Paris though. French people have more advanced fashion than us.

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My first objective was to actually take in some culture. We visited the Daniel Johnston exhibit, and it was awesome. We also hit up Sara’s favorite museum, Musée d’Orsay, which is really amazing, and which is currently home to a pretty rad Van Gogh exhibit. We didn’t get a chance to go to the Natural History Museum though, but you should because it is apparently full of cool skeletons and taxidermy.

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I still don’t really like French food (sorry Julia Child) but I do love French potato chips. They have the best flavors ever.

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Part of our cultural tour of Paris included music, and it just so happened the Black Lips were in town playing two sold out shows at Nouveau Casino. Pictured above are my new favorite t-shirt and my new favorite headband, the latter of which comes from my favorite store in Paris, a costume shop in Montmarte. Cat ears for 6 euros? Oui.

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After the show we went to Sara’s favorite bar, Le Baron, where we got to hear the dude from Paris’ best psych band La Femme DJ alongside my pals Cosmonauts, who also happened to be in town. We drank a lot of bourbon, which I believe is a traditional French liquor.

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No but like, a lot of bourbon. When in Rome!

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It’s fun to hang out with French celebrities who kind of look like you, for example Gaspard Michel Andre Augé of JUSTICE. (I think a beard might be a cool Fall fashion accessory for me!)

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Just like in any city, it’s the youth that really know what’s up. Here’s a photo of us looking sort of creepy while posing with a group of high school students we ran into on the street.

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French after parties are very special. If you don’t believe me, just gaze upon this photo.

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If you have a chance, be sure to drink a bunch of wine then pose for a photo with a French supermodel, like Caroline De Maigret. It will make you feel warm and full of self-esteem inside!

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No but real talk, French women are really beautiful (it’s annoying). Part of their secret comes from their amazing drugstore products. Topicrem is an amazing body lotion that is super light-weight but also lush and very moisturizing, and Bioderma is an incredible cleanser that has the consistency of pure water but removes dirt, oil, and make-up better than anything I have ever used. You can get them both at any French drugstore, or on Amazon.com

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In short, I love Paris and I wear berets now. Fin.

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