*cue Grease soundtrack* You’re the one that I want, oo-oo-oo! Sing it to yourself in the mirror baby girl.
words by Jessica Wu
Ah, Valentine’s Day. Born out of tales of Saint Valentine marrying star-crossed lovers, then commercialized and guilt-tripped by Hallmark, this romantic holiday has a rather interesting past… But I see it as an opportunity to pamper yourself. Relationship or not, dating or flying solo, the common theme between us all is that at the end of the day you are your own #1 supporter.
Who’s gonna love you when no one else is there? You. Who knows you better than anyone? You. Who tells you how fire you look in your night-out look? You (well, and your girl squad group text). Who can you always rely on for an orgasm? YOU.
It’s no secret that millennials are suffering from burnout. From our day jobs to our side hustles and passion projects, it always feels like there isn’t enough time to get it all done and have it all. Life demands more of us these days and most of us don’t take the time to relax and care for ourselves. Failing to love and care for yourself will leave you dry, like trying to pour water out of an empty cup.
This self love epiphany was relatively new for me. Until recently, I never had a space to call just my own. I lived at home with my parents, I lived (very very briefly) with an ex, and I moved back home again… then I finally moved out for good into my own place with an awesome roommate. To say it was a tumultuous time is an understatement, but I learned deep lifelong lessons. Most of all, how important it is to have the mental and physical space to nurture yourself. When you don’t love yourself, that energy leaks into all facets of your life.
One of my favorite films is the “Joy Luck Club.” It was the the only major Hollywood film with a majority Asian cast in 25 years until “Crazy Rich Asians” came out.
There’s a crucial scene where the character Rose is sitting in the garden while it’s pouring rain. She and her husband are in the midst of a divorce, and she says to him:
“It’s not your fault, none of it. I was the one who told you that my love wasn’t good enough. That your love was worth more than mine. I was so full of shit.”
I. Felt. This. In. My. Core.
Your love is the most valuable, powerful, priceless love there is, because we accept the love we think we deserve. It took literally claiming a physical space of my own to really understand that. I finally had a place that was just mine, all mine, where I could do anything I wanted or nothing at all. I simultaneously felt so weightless and so powerful.
As a woman and an innately nurturing Cancer, it is my second nature to love and care for my people. But when you don’t love yourself and set time aside for yourself, you suffer and your relationships suffer too.
So how can we put our love first on a day dedicated to love, romance, and couples? Seduce yourself!
1. Take a bath with a glass of wine, moody candles, a book, or a Netflix show!
2. Gift yourself a cute ass outfit. Are you a sexy lingerie gal who wants to turn the heat up? Or a cozy homebody who prefers to lounge? Whatever your jam is, you deserve it.
3. Delight yourself, literally, because who’s going to successfully pleasure you if you don’t know how to pleasure yourself?
4. Go to a restorative yoga class! It’s wild how bad your posture and breathing becomes throughout the day. Take an hour to reset your mind and body.
5. Invest in your sleep. I’m talking silk pillowcases, essential oil sleep sprays, a weighted blanket (you’ll sleep like the dead), and my personal favorite, a silk sleeping mask.
Romance yourself baby girl. None of these things are groundbreaking, but sometimes you just have to be reminded. Whatever your views are on Valentine’s Day, your love and energy radiates from within. It goes both ways: When you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, you look good.
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