If you are currently getting over a breakup, I know it can feel like the breakup is pretty damn close to breaking you. Whether your toxic-waste ex cheated on you, or you were just in a situation that wasted your time, no two breakups are the same. You could’ve been with someone you genuinely loved who didn’t want the same thing, or you were with someone who had to move for work and was scared to face the horror of long-distance. No matter if you did the breaking up or if you were broken up with, breakups are never easy. But, the best love stories come with the most heartbreak. I’ve loved, lost and lost my mind during breakups, but I always came out on the other side a better version of myself. If you’re ready to get out of your emotional bag and get back to living your best life, here are a few tips on how to get over a breakup. And maybe in the process, you’ll find the best new partner for you!
Channel your inner Kacey, and don’t go through that camera roll.
If there is even an ounce of you that still misses them, no matter when the breakup was, do not torture yourself by reliving the relationship on your camera roll or Instagram. Nostalgia can play tricks on you, bestie. If you are looking at photos from the glory days of your relationship, you will inaccurately glamorize it and doubt your decision to break up in the first place. When you see that photo of both of you drinking out of a coconut in Tulum or the candid of the two of you dancing in the living room, you’ll start to dance with doubt and ask yourself: “Was our relationship really that bad?” “Should I have ended things so quickly?” “What if they were the one?” But always remember that you broke up for a reason, and you should never eat something again that made you sick.
The key to recovering from a breakup is being confident in your decision. You left for a reason; you know you needed and deserved more. Although life might be hard now, holding on to your happy moments past doesn’t help. Instead, focus on building yourself up for all the happy moments in the future. Whether this means muting your ex on Instagram, archiving your old photos or cleaning out the camera roll, the key to recovery is out of sight, out of mind. Memories are great, and the happy ones don’t have to be ruined by a shitty relationship. But remember, good memories don’t mean your previous relationship was as great as it seemed on the grid.
A party a day keeps the exes away.
Look, right now, all you want to do is order greasy food and cry while watching Emily in Paris, and that’s okay! It’s so important to go through the feels, sit with them and cry out all your water weight. And while there’s no universally agreed upon answer to ‘How long does it take to get over a breakup?’, you can influence that yourself. Give yourself a deadline of sorts, a day on the calendar where you will take a long shower, put on your favorite outfit and remember what it’s like to feel like your best self again. You may have to adopt a “fake it ‘til you make it” mentality, but try not to think about your ex for a night and go out with your friends. You may be dreading having to say yes to plans, but you’ll notice that after the first few times, you’ll start feeling your energy coming back. You’ll be channeling Kylie Jenner saying, “I’m getting my personality back. I’m feeling like myself again.”
One thing to note is that “going out” doesn’t have to mean partying hard. When I was deep in the trenches of my first breakup, I wanted to forget my pain by binge drinking and dancing on tables, and I mean, that can be fun, trust me. But always make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. Because if you’re not…nine times out of 10, you’ll drunk dial your ex, crying about why you aren’t together anymore. Listen, we are moving forward, and you are way too good to send that “I miss you text” (but let’s be real, if it happens, it happens. Don’t beat yourself up.). So, in order to avoid this, think about some activities or passions that you neglected in your relationship, and prioritize them. Whether it’s painting, roller skating or finally going on that trip your ex thought was stupid, do it! Alone or with a friend. Start saying yes to life and to yourself, and say no to the old stories or habits that held you back. The pain you are going through now will be transformative, and it will help you be even better than who you were in that relationship.
Self-care: all day, everyday
Not only do breakups suck, but they also suck all the life out of you. That’s why you should be your number one priority right now. It’s easy to pretend that everything’s fine and continue with business as usual. But if you’re not fine, that’s fine! You lost someone that meant the world to you while also losing the piece of yourself that was attached to them. Recovering from this loss takes time. I mean, if you ask me, there should be paid heartbreak leave from work, so that while you’re out, you can become an emotional accountant and log all the things you are feeling in your heartbreak recovery journal. Breakups are a time of reflection, so ask yourself, “What do I want from here?” “What did I give up in my last relationship that I don’t want to give up again?” “How can I prioritize myself more?” Take the time to put yourself back together; think of it not as Build A Bear but Build A Bad-Bitch!
Go get yourself that facial, eat frozen yogurt every day of the week, read that book that’s been on your nightstand for a year, buy that dress you saw on Nasty Gal! Treat yourself how you wish your ex would have treated you. You don’t need anyone to start living your true, most authentic, happiest life. Love yourself the way you want someone else to love you, and until you find the right person that values you as the prize that you are, build a happy and loving relationship with yourself. No matter how many days it takes of screaming Olivia Rodrigo songs in your bedroom, crying while watching The Notebook and scowling at the happy couples kissing on your block, you’ll get through this. And you’ll build up the confidence that comes with knowing that at the end of the day, anyone is lucky to be in your life. You’re the best partner anyone could ever hope for, and you should be proud of yourself for not settling for a love that hurts. Breakups lead to your glowups, and until that dream person comes along, it’s time for you to start enjoying your dream relationship with yourself.
Extra recommendations for what to do after a breakup to make you feel less alone:
- Watch every season of Sex and the City (and maybe even And Just Like That if you’re itching for more)
- Read You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero
- Movies: High Fidelity, Uptown Girls, He’s Just Not That Into You
- Apps: Calm (meditation app)